Trendy Little Me by A. Y. Stratton

December 13 2011

“Trending Now” is the headline I spotted a few days ago when I clicked on my email.  In case you aren’t as up to date as I am, let me share who and what are clustered among the top trends:

Courteney Cox, 

Kris Humphries,

Vanessa Minnillo,

photo cards,

Twilight,

Mila Kunis,

and Kristen Wiig.

 

I had to consult Wikipedia to find out who Kris, Vanessa, Mila and Kristen are. Be assured they are a trend unto themselves, and their trendship will last about as long as this sentence takes to write. 

 

I had hoped my husband and I might make the list. In order to increase our chances for a future listing, we’ve lined up some sure-fire gigs. At our church Christmas pageant, one of us will have a wardrobe malfunction. During the utility company board dinner, a bus boy will snag the microphone and confess he’s been cooking meals for me in secret for years. I will deny it and then breakdown, insisting I may have had at least one extra-culinary incident. My husband will agree to speak to the press, promising to stand by me, no matter how bad the food gets.

 

Or I might get into photo cards, run for president of something, or occupy a place that’s not already occupied.

 

Here’s my Trending Now list:

thinking outside the box is so common, it’s actually inside the box;

volumizing hair;

neck movements that sound like tiny kernels of corn popping;

strategies for preventing body parts from sagging even lower;

wrapping holiday gifts;

getting my husband to put the lights on the Christmas tree;

The Muppet Movie.

Are you sitting down? Because this one is going to knock you off your feet. 

Today's hottest, sexiest trend is BUNIONS. 

 

What’s on your very own Trending Now list?